Valley of Vision

Here is one of my favorite songs by Sovereign Grace Music. It explains my feelings so much better than I can:

In the Valley:

Verse 1:
When you lead me to the valley of vision
I can see you in the heights.
And though my humbling wouldn't be my decision
It's here your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross procedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley's where you make me more like Christ.

Chorus:
Let me find your grace in the valley
Let me find your life in my death
Let me find your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That you're near with every breath
In the valley

Verse 2:
In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley's where your power is revealed

Chorus X2

Home Again!

I'm home again after my latest episode of chemotherapy. It's not over yet, but they are at least letting the rest be outpatient. Starting tomorrow I have to go every day this week to the hospital to receive a shot in my stomach which will force my body to produce new white blood cells. This in itself is a painful experience.

Then next week, on Tuesday, I have to go in for my last round of chemo for this term. And despite all that is coming I am in the greatest amounts of pain right now despite taking three different drugs. My body feels like it's on fire, but I gratefully accept the pain because it reminds me not to cling to the world so tightly that if the Lord willed it I could not let go.

Although I want to go to Guatemala, get married, and do other things, I want Christ more. To be like Him and to be with Him is all that I need. What are a few more moments of pain when compared to the inheritence waiting for me in glory. And if by some God-ordained miracle my family could be saved by my trial, all the better.

The Lord is so good. It's hard to see that when things hurt and I want to smile but cry instead, but His promises will far outlast my tears and I look forward to the happier days that will soon be here.

For now I take rest in my Lord and in the gifts He has given to me. A new little niece to call my own, a Christian family to comfort in, a church to call home, a biological family whose come together because of my trials, softened hearts at every door, and a testimony to be taken to the nations. Whether in life or in death, I will live on in Christ. As long as there is a need to evangelize, my trials nor testimony will not be in vain because I was a Christ-hating witch who fell in love with the Saviour and now even in the greatest pain of my short 24 year old life can proudly be willing to suffer for His name sake. Praise the Lord for His mercy. Amen.