Thursday, October 28, 2010

Only what's done for Christ will last!!!

Well, I'm in the middle of my last chemo session. I have one more bag to go and then I'm done. This week was filled with tests from the Lord. Last Saturday I noticed a new lump on my neck and then that night was vommitting. Also for the past couple of weeks I've had severe back pain. Both issues caused a lot of pressure to be put on my mind.

When I came into the hospital this time, they wanted to put me in the "death room"-10234, where I got my fever, my C-Diff, and where I was sent to the ICU from. I said, no way and waited 5 hours in the cancer resource library until my new room was ready, which ended up being the "deluxe sweet" of the cancer ward-10230. Complete with counter space, a closet, 2 guest beds, and a dining room table with chairs. The first praise of the night.

I had many friends visit and had lots of fun. The following day was filled with tests and trials. The doctor told me that it was possible to grow a new tumor while in chemo. This led me to fits of emotional distress as I contemplated this entire trial starting over again. Long story, short, it was a long day.

Wednesday, I got my CT scan results back, they were clear. No more cancer. :) I also had my MRI which I found out today was also clear. Just some mild damage, but nothing that would cause immediate surgery. I am so happy that this trial is coming to an end. It's not that I would not go through it again for Christ, b/c Tuesday showed me that I would. But I look forward to once again serving the kingdom. It brings me such joy to know that because of this trial I can now serve the body, so much better.

Thank you everyone. Your prayers have been heard. I love you all.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

In and Out then In again

I got out. Last week. It took me till Sunday to recover. Then on Monday I got broncitus and was still on shots for the WBC which were low till today. I asked my doctor if we could do the last chemotherapy session on November 1st and he said "yes". I want to go to the Harvest Festival at my church. It's important to me.

Well, here's the good news blog readers. The cat scan said the tumors are gone. We are now poisoning the leftover cancer "sprinkles" as I call them. This 6th chemo treatment will Lord willing be my last chemo treatment. I am so thankful, surprised, and grateful that the Lord has led me through this trial. It was not easy and there are many times when I thought I would just die, but I didn't die, I survived, praise the Lord and I thank Him that He did this for me. That He gave me cancer.

Most of this trial, I have just seen my overwhelming depravity in spite of God's grace toward me. There have been some times when I have seen the changes God has done in me. He has worked in so many sins in my life: my pride, thankfulness, complaining, repentance, endurance, faithfulness, perserverence, encouragement, prayer and other things.

I pray all of this will be used to shape me into a sharp sword to be used to pierce the hearts of Guatemala with the word of God.

Praise Christ. May He be forever glorified. He took me through this trial still faithful to Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him.


Friday, September 24, 2010

Happy to Be here

In my first day of chemo. Got here at 8am. Already witnessed to 5 nurses and a chaplain!!! PTL!!! So far so good. On drugs but also have good morale. Had Sam and Nanc with me. Gena was here earlier too. I'm happy, even though I'm going through this. :D We're looking through pics from Cali, TX, NM, and GUA. Yay!! Nanc is sleeping over. Her and Sam are staying with me tomorrow too.

I got good news. I'm on "probational remission" meaning that the cancer is beyond the view of the scan. This means that the cancer cells are now microscopic. The doctor said that I would probably only need 1 more session of chemo after this one to make sure that we sweep up the rest, but he thinking that having an additional 3 sessions would just be too much damage for my body to handle. Praise the Lord!! This means I might be done by October.

In other news:
-I am back at UCF taking three classes and having to do an additional 45 hours of service learning including Junior Achievement.
-I'm taking the Biblical Counseling class at church.
-I just went, last weekend, to the NANC conference in Jacksonville, FL. I have two more training conferences. One in Oct. and Nov.
-I'm going back to work.
-I'm going to see Jess soon. :)
-I had a chocolate chip cookie and chocolate ice cream tonight :D YAY!!!

I am so happy to be here, in the hospital, as a child of God. I'm grateful to have the means at my disposal to preach the gospel, be a good witness, grow closer to my families, and have down time to reflect on my ways. I feel unworthy to share sufferings with Christ. And pray that in my next trial I will glorify Christ and not forget the many lessons I have learned in the midst of this trial over the last 6 months.

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes. The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver. Your hands have made me and fashioned me; give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments. Those who fear You will be glad when they see me, because I have hoped in Your word. I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me. Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to Your word to Your servant. Let Your tender mercies come to me, that I may live; for Your law is my delight." Ps. 119:71-77

May this always be true in my heart and my life and in yours. For Christ knows every secret thing. Amen!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Just Can't Stop

I got out of the hospital but not before two blood platelete transfusions and a load of antibiotics and pain meds. I was in so much pain, it basically made me unconscious. All I did was sleep for the most part. It hurt too much to concentrate. I made sure I got out in time for Women's group though. And the same day that I got out of the hospital, I had to go to school to registar. Since then I haven't really stopped. Every day there's something to do. I get up, I throw up, I drag myself to school, I'm sick, I take meds or not, and I keep walking. Every sick step I take stomps on a little piece of this cancer that's constantly trying to knock me down.

I am blessed though b/c I have Christ. And two families who love me-my church and my own. They help me stay strong b/c when I can't continue for myself, I continue for them. To be an example which points straight to the glory of Christ. It's not that bad. At least I know the truth. There are so many lost, alone, sad, and hopeless. They are the ones to be pitied.

My sister is walking for me in "Light the Night". It's amazing how much my cancer has changed her. I'm so proud of her. It's worth it to be sick, if only for her.

In two weeks and one day I'm going to Jacksonville. The same weekend road trip for NANC for the next three months. Then possibly in Dec. (Lord willing)-THE GRAND CANYON-WOO HOO!!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Back in Again

I got out of the hospital last Tuesday and when I saw my doctor on Wednesday he said that because of the severity of the chemotherapy treatment there was a great chance that I would end up back in the hospital and possibly with a blood transfusion. Well, I started today like any other day. I was really happy because I got to go back to school and everything. Then I went for my shot right before my job and that's when everything changed. My WBC was 0.7 and my plateletes were 28. When I saw my counts I started crying b/c I knew Dr. Jana was going to try to send me back to the hospital and I didn't want to go. He was very kind and patient with me. He took me into one of the side rooms and let me cry out and then spoke of his concern for my health. He told me he wanted to go to school and work, but not until I got better. So here I am in the hospital. No work for at least a couple of weeks and no school for now. Not until I get out. I might have to get a blood transfusion if my plateletes go any lower. I hope the Lord will help me through this without sinning against Him.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Texas, New Mexico, Mini Golf, Broncitis, Miami, Hospital

I'm in the hospital again. It has been an interesting month. I decided right after all my shots and everything were over to go to Texas with my two friends, Nancy and Gabby, to see my friend Mary Anne. We were 6 days and 5 nights. Here are the basics of our adventure:

Day 1/ Wednesday: Arrive in airport very early, spend some time with mary anne, some time sleeping in airport, some time drinking coffee, and some time talking to El Paso tour guide. Gabby and Nancy come 8 hours later, we go eat, settle in, and spend some much needed time in the hot tub.

Day 2/ Thursday: Gabby, Nancy, and I decide to drive from El Paso, TX to Carlsbad, NM to go to the Carlsbad Caverns. On the way we drive through many mts. including the Franklin Mts. and the Guataloupe Mts. Take many pictures and adopt theme song for trip. Get to Carlsbad, NM and decide to take "natural entrance" of bat cave to get to the caverns. The funniest part of this was all the signs warning us that this was only for those in shape. Which I am not. LOL. However, we did it. We hiked the 3 miles from the top of the bat cave to the bottom of the cavern and it was amazing. Afterward, we went back through a storm and Nancy started to feel sick. She went to bed early.

Day 3/ Friday: We drove back to New Mexico again but this time to go to the White Sands Monument, which is basically a huge white sand desert in the middle of the Mts. We took plastic sled disks with us and slid down the sand dunes over and over again. It was really fun. Afterward we finally met up with Mary Anne in TX and went with her for food and fun. We ended up on Scenic Dr. and viewing spot on top of the Franklin Mts. where u can see all of El Paso and parts of Mexico as well. Then Mary Anne and some of her new friends decided to climb the mt. behind us to get a better view. I went as well even though I was wearing sandals. Then they decided to climb higher, to the very top of the mt. I was like "no way", but some how I kept going higher and higher until I got stuck in the mt. and gave up. On my way back down, I got stubborn and decided to find another way up to the top. I made Nancy come to even though she was in a dress. LOL. It was really pretty when we finally made it and when we got back down to Scenic Dr. it was sunset. So we got to watch night come to El Paso. It was beautiful.

Day 4/ Saturday: Event with Mary Anne and her friends. Then we went to Cracker Barrell which was really yummy. Afterward, the sun was coming down and I wanted a picture so I decided to run across the pkg lot to get a good view and I fell. I made it through mts., deserts, and caves, but not parking lots. Too dangerous. LOL. Today is the day I also started to feel sick.

Day 5/ Sunday: Church with Mary Anne's church. Good sermon. Nice congregation. Lunch with Mary Anne's grandma. Time at the Mall in El Paso where we went to the store were everything was $1. It was amazing. I wish we had one here. :( Then Mary Anne wanted to take us to this concert and before she found a parking spot we were at the border of Juarez, Mexico. Oh yeah!!! Many panicked moments later and with the help of two mexican men we were able to turn around and escape, but what a way to end an adventure.

Day 6/ Monday: I was dropped off for my flight and was feeling icky. Then my connecting flight in Atlanta was 4 hours late b/c of the weather. When I finally left, I flew home in a lightening storm. I guess the adventure wasn't over yet.

After this adventure was over my grandma, mother, and brother came up for the weekend. It was nice. We played golf, went out to eat, went to the Scriptorium, and they came to church. Then the day they went home, I went with Nancy on a road trip to Miami. She needed an emergency passport and I had promised to go with her. I was sick with broncitis the whole time!!!! I finally was shipped a Z-Pak in Delray Bch, but I didn't start feeling better till this past Saturday. As it is I'm still coughing and I think my sore throat might be coming back.

Well, This was my whole month in one post. Right now I'm in the hospital, and when I get out, I might have to go back to work and school with chemo, and I just found out that this cancer process won't actually be over for the next 5 years. Oh boy.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Valley of Vision

Here is one of my favorite songs by Sovereign Grace Music. It explains my feelings so much better than I can:

In the Valley:

Verse 1:
When you lead me to the valley of vision
I can see you in the heights.
And though my humbling wouldn't be my decision
It's here your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross procedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley's where you make me more like Christ.

Let me find your grace in the valley
Let me find your life in my death
Let me find your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That you're near with every breath
In the valley

Verse 2:
In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley's where your power is revealed

Chorus X2