I don't have a lot of strength. I'm really nauseous, light-headed and shaky, but I wanted to start writing. I have been in the hospital for 17 days. Jessica drove me here on April 1, 2010. They thought I had a clogged lymph node that would need to be drained. My neck was swollen and I was in pain. By the end of the night I was an in-patient and by the next day I was being checked for TB. Six days later the truth was told. I have Burkitt's Lymphoma-cancer.
Before I was in the hospital, I lived with my loving friends who I consider as close to me as three people can be. Jennifer and Preston have been my best friends since I got saved. I was with them before they got married, their maid-of-honor, there when they found out they were pregnant both times, and I lived with them for over a year in their home as their roommate, best friend, and auntie to the baby, Bella.
Before I was in the hospital, I went to UCF and I worked at Disney. Now I've had to medically withdraw from school and take medical leave from my job for chemotherapy.
Before I was in the hospital, I thought I had a 5-year plan. See my sister graduate from college in May, go to Guatemala in August, start LPN school in the spring, get a medical job, pay off my loans, and become a missionary full time in Guatemala.
But Christ is sovereign. King, Ruler, and Creator and His plan just happened to be longer and more extensive than the last 17 days or next 8 months. The Lord has decided that at this time I will not be anything, but His vessel, specially chosen to be used as a testimony and a witness in the hopeless, painful world of Cancer and Chemotherapy.
I am not angry, unhappy, bitter, and questioning His perfect judgement. In the words of Job, I humbly and fully believe "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD" -Job 1:21.
He will use me in this for the gospel, my family, my friends, and my church. So that we will all be woken up, examined, questioning, and being sanctified in ways that we never thought possible before. And I pray not for healing or miracles in this trial, but simply that I would be as obedient on my last day of chemotherapy as I was on my first and would never forget my first love no matter how hard the trial becomes.